Thursday, 22 December 2011

Sometimes an engagement puppy just doesn’t cut it

The boy and I got engaged with a puppy exchange. I had always wanted a puppy vs. a ring and he definitely delivered. I’ll share that story another day.
I wouldn’t trade my little goofball for any fancy ring; he brings me so much joy and love on a daily basis (although there was a brief period during toilet training where he peed on the hallway carpets in the apartment where I was completely ready to kill him). He LOVES to cuddle and is just an overall silly dog whose limited intellectual capacity never fails to amuse me. He tops something sparkly and pretty any day.

However there have been moments that I’m just ready to wear a wedding ring.

I was lucky enough to attend my friend Steph’s wedding in St.Lucia a few months ago, and was there was a moment when I wished whole heartedly to have a ring on my finger signifying my status as engaged/partnered/married whatever. We were out at a local “Jump up” and I was being hit on by a guy…pretty unrelentingly. This guy was persistent and of course as soon as I told him I was engaged, asked “Where’s your ring?” I knew it was coming; it’s a question I get a lot. “I don’t have a ring I have a dog” didn’t translate well in this situation, the loud music and my little voice didn’t help either. And I just wished I had a ring on my hand to get this douche bag to leave me alone. He was ruining my night with his presence.

(Steph and me in St.Lucia...Prince Charming in the white shirt behind me)

And really it just got me thinking about a bigger problem. Why did I need a ring to have a valid reason about not wanting to give this guy my time? Why did I need that symbol of being “taken” to legitimize my refusal? Why is it still not okay in our culture to just say “Hell no” and not be called a bitch or worse? As a woman, I still needed to show that I belonged to someone else to have my lack of interest explained and validated. I felt like an object that needed to have an owner. It made me angry and a bit sad that I was just caving in and wanted a wedding ring for all the wrong reasons.

We just got our wedding rings made by an indie jeweler. When they came in the mail it felt like all this wedding shit was now happening for real. I put it on my hand and it felt oh so strange. I have been practice wearing it when I’m alone at home so I can get used to it. And I keep thinking about the signal I’ll be sending to the world  in a few months time.
Taken. Possessed. Committed. Loved.


  1. Femenism... I'll never understand it. You... I totally understand and absolutely cherish! Rock on girl. Xoxoxo!

  2. I had no idea that you started blogging! This is so exciting!

    I agree with you - women should be able to say "hell no" without explanation.

    The ring is definitely a double edged sword. Not wearing a ring also means that you can avoid having a bazillion people (read: strangers) ask you about your marital status/plans on a daily basis. This is something I don't miss now that I'm no longer wearing my non-engagement (promise) ring.

    By the way it's Simone! ( I can't log in to any of the other commenting options because there isn't one for name/URL.

  3. Haha Rebecca, I love ya too. Maybe one of my rants will get you to see what I'm going on about one day.

    Simone! Yup, I'm trying to do this regularly, I always blog stalk you. it's definitely a double edged sword indeed. I had toyed with the idea of both me and the boy getting rings when we were engaged, since this is technically cultural and my parents did it (my dad has this honking pimp-tastic ring!), but we aren't big on jewellery so we skipped it.